Sometimes it is the small little things that ppl do that make you happy. because it's then that you know how important you are in her heart, that even the slightest thing that will sadden you she will just know and make sure u r not sadden by it. sometimes it is precisely the small lil thing that ppl do that make cast doubt upon yourself. because it is then you will question yourself if you are caring too much about someone that doesnt appreciate. ppl might say that they might appreciate, but in the end, it's the actions and these small lil things that you will understand those words are just merely bullshit.
sometimes i really wonder if i really should go and brain-wash myself. cos i am saddening ppl that care for me, and i am upseting myself by caring about other ppl who will just continually take me for granted.

And at times like these, it will make you wonder again, if it is worth caring about the person that keeps disappointing you. sometimes i will be unhappy if my group doesnt make an effort to contribute or do what they are supposed to do, because doing all the things myself can be so tiring and irritating. but i soon realised that it is not only in school, cos in real life, when others are not putting their efforts in doing what they should, i become tired more easily.

End of HoLiDaYs

Today is the last day of the holidays. feeling kinda sad cos i wish this holiday could have been longer. there's simply too much that i wanna do and too much stuff that i dun wish to end with this holiday. this blog was is left stagnanted for quite a long time and dunno why, there is simply no motivation for me to write any post until my touch rugby competition was over. we have had a lot of trainings during this holidays and yesterday was the real thing. sometimes i really dislike the way they schedule this match cos it's a one-day carnival and we have to play 5 matches against all halls on the same day. on top of that, the weather was really freakily hot and it was madness to play under the scotching hot sun. come and think of it now, i am amazed how we could stay under the sun for 6 hours.

nonetheless, i'm really grateful to have such a commited team-mates. in the beginning we were really intimidated by other halls cos they simply have too many players, at least 20 i think. we only have 11 ( and i just dun understand why so many ppl in my hall refuse to play touch). although we didnt have enough subs, i think we have given the best we could. no regrets :) i met this eusoff player in the toilet and she said they really respect us for being able to play every single game although we din have enuff players. i think KE touch gals are really a bunch of determined and tough gals, proud of u gals!! sorry for shouting at you all on the field, never knew ur captain could be so fierce right? hee, really paiseh. i'm sorry if i were too rough on the field ya, but we did have a fun time playing touch yesterday huh?

this holidays have been great. managed to organize a gathering to catch up with my jc friends. really love this bunch of ppl. din get to see ger and jan often even though we r in the same school, but we managed to meet twice during this short semester break! hey ger, i'm really glad for you! must stay happy from now on k, and lets meet more often this sem! yu chii is still as funny as she used to be, and i'm glad that we have to much to share with each other. poor chung phong --> geraldine always suan him :P

went cycling with mindy and ryan too. oh ya, first time playing RISK! ryan brought this board game to hall and we had quite a fun time playing it. mindy went mad during the game tho ugh:P she was playing a 'MARS vs VENUS mind game' with ryan and i was really quite amused that they could come up with so much craps from playing RISK! mindy was a psycho gal and ryan was another psycho guy too BUT i WON the game muahahaha. me and jun cai are more normal ---> mindy and ryan are insane! BUT we have had loads and loads of FUN!! we shall play again ya, when YOU come back...

and i really need to thank Phaik Ching for watching all the drama series with me! hee, and she cooked really nice food too. hee we're getting fat during this holidays :P but dun worry gal, you're still as pretty and as sexy!

oh ya, i met up with weizhen and sin siu during christmas too. we had a nice lunch at cineleisure and went shopping together at far east. we talked about loads things and i think my christmas was not too bad :) oh ya, went to audrey's christmas party too. her house was huge! i met up with daniel too :) i love the max brenner choc bar, and the big wishing balloon :) hope all our wishes come true ya! and i'm glad we had a nice chat that evening.

i want more holidays!!!

uNdEr ConStRuCtIon ( hee :) )

Block SUPPER!!!

We had our 2nd block supper yesterday. :)

Had lessons from 8am-4pm yesterday. without break :( tuesday is quite a tiring day for me and mindy. we gonna rush from science to arts then back to science. mindy is so cute. everytime when she is very hungry the whole lecture theatre will know it, cos her stomach produces loud growling noises :P hahaha... :)

Both of us started our supper preparation at 4pm immediately after lessons. my block com members will be helping us at 6pm onwards, so me and mindy decided we should start to prepare as much as we could first. honestly i really love cooking :) although i always create great hazard in kitchen and made mindy and my com members screaming and shaking their heads, i still love cooking hee :P

Boiled 40 potatoes! yup we gonna make mashed potato and potato salad. i broke my record by peeling 35/40 potatoes myself yesterday! my mom gonna be soo impressed if she knows it :) haha, it was total madness. imagine peeling almost 40 potatoes for hours at the sink. u will have prolong potato afterimage thereafter. trust me :) by the time i finished peeling them, i was really shacked. mindy was so impressed that tay hooi ching actually broke her personal records. hee. me too :)

i'm really grateful to have such a helpful bunch of committee. it makes my job as a block head so much more easy. i'm so lucky:)

we prepared quite a lot of food -- mashed potato, potato salad, fried beehoon, omelette and hot dogs, curry chicken, fgarlic bread, roast and honey chicken.. oh ya we also have ice creams :) i think F block supper the most delicious one, i bet everyone in KE will agree w me :) and i am so so proud of Fockers :)

Dr Seow and Mrs Seow said that supper was nice :) i think so too :) everyone who ate the supper thought so too :) and i'm glad that my com ppl enjoyed themselves :) it makes all effort spent on preparing the supper worthwhile :)


the supper food!


garlic bread :) yummy!

Dr Seow and Mrs Seow


Fockers eating supper :)

i think mindy was so shacked after the supper. i made her my welfare head and she really did a good job. now that i think of it, we actually ate nothing for that entire day except breakfast and a bun we grabbed on our way to lesson. was busy preparing that we forgot to eat dinner. and we din eat supper too. cos everyone finished them :) not a bad thing, it showed that the supper was nice :) it really was a tiring day!!

and i must thank phaik ching too :) her hands must be aching cos she cooked a lot of food haha! :) see, i have good chefs in F block! thanks aik leong too , for everything :) oh ya, they are my vice heads and i'm really proud and happy and lucky to have them, they are really very helpful and nice peeps hee :P


phaik ching, me and aik leong --> spastic :P





thanks :)



oh ya, my whole com spent a lot of time preparing the supper too. thanks peeps :) love u all@


thank you:)

i love F block Comm
i love F block supper
i love F block

thanks peeps, for everything :)

Hanging out with Friends

After sending my sister to bus station today, i went to city hall.
:) had dinner with geraldine, jan, henry, jovin, songwei, and chung phong. they are my JC friends and i'm glad to organize this gathering hee :) it has been so so so long since we last met one another.

Henry is going to Monash Uni to study medicine. i think i will miss him loads, cos he is my best friend since JC. he was like a big brother to me when we were in JC, always taking care of me and teaching me stuff. i miss those times when we did project at his home, and his made made nuggets for us :) jan, do u miss it?

jan and geraldine are still as pretty :) they are my bestest buddies since JC too. ger, remember how we became good frens? i will never forget it. thank you for being part of my life, and i'm really thankful to have u and jan in my life. it would have been a miserable 2 years without you and jan. i miss the western food we ate in school. i miss eating the breakfast set after the PE. i miss eating laksa and lor mee with you and jan. You two matter a lot to me, and i want you to know that.

and i am glad that you two are in NUS with me. we might have less time together, but you two are always in my heart! we must meet up more often k? :)

Just now, when i was walking back to my hall, i saw my shadow on the ground and suddenly some thoughts came into my mind. i have been traveling these days to a lot of places, to do a lot of things, all by myself. recently, i found myself doing things without people beside me. But He is there all this while when i am alone. God, thank you for being with me all the time. i see Your shadow accompanying me wherever i go. Thank You.

Have been blogging a lot these days. recently i find myself unable to communicate with people. Blog, thanks for listening. I'm glad to be able to share my thoughts with you when i have no one to talk too. And thanks God for listening.

Family

My big sister came to visit us on friday and she stayed with my 2nd sister till sunday.I'm glad she came, and i'm glad to have spent time with her.
We went shopping on saturday and dinner at swensens. ordered 'firehouse happy birthday' :) cos my brother and my birthdays fall on this month whee!!
it is a busy weekend, but i am really glad to have spent it this way. sometimes, it feels really good to leave down the works in my hands just to spend more time with ppl i love. and i truly enjoyed every moment spent with my siblings.
My sister also brought some cookies and cakes. my dad made them. after his retirement, he has been trying to find ways to beguile his time. Now he wants to learn baking and my sister told us he bakes everyday and he's improving. :) i think daddy is having some plans. i think that daddy might want to open a small cafe and i'm really supportive of this idea. i think it's better for him, if not he will be too lonely.

i like the cookies. and i like the banana cakes my dad has made for us.
Dunno why i feel sad for daddy. i feel sad because although i have hurt him again and again, he will still care for us through little tiny actions like these. daddy spent the whole thursday nite baking just to make sure each of us will get to taste his cookies and cakes. and i really appreciate tt, and i'm touched by my father's love.

And do you know that wad is so great about my father's love?
when i was a kid, when i was still studying in kindergarten, my family was not well-to-do. 5 of us loved to eat Mc Donald's hamburger. to buy 8 hamburgers home was quite costly to daddy, not that he couldnt afford, just that he would rather buy 4 and all of us could share them together. Getting half a hamburger was really joyous. i think i had a very simple family then. we were so contended with what we have, we might not be rich, but we were so close to one another.
when i was learning ballet in dancing school, my dad would always walk me home after my ballet class. and i really missed those moments when i could still hold his hands and talking to him non--stoply. whenever i had ballet exam, he would be there to accompany me. if mommy was busy, he would be there to give me assurance and support. cos he knew his daughter might be afraid, and he knew his daughter needed his encouragement.

and i think i really have a great daddy. i know he was really sad when he had to send his children to study in Singapore. my daddy is not selfish at all. he wants the best for all of us then, and he still wants the best for all of us now. it's been 6 years already. and we are so involved in our lives here in singapore that we made our parents so miserable. and i am really a bad gal. i made my parents miss me hell lots yet i made so little attempt to go back and visit them. BUSY, i always told them. and they try to understand me by not pushing me to go home too. Sometimes, i really question myself, am i really so busy that i have no time for my own family? perhaps it's just an excuse. many times, it really is just an excuse.
and i know he was utterly heart broken when each of us told him that we are christians.

Daddy still makes cookies for us. we've hurt him, and i know daddy is so xing ku. he has retired, he is jobless, and he has so much free time. and during his free time he will think a lot, and i know when he thinks of his children, he is really disappointed. Daddy asked me why did i do these things to him. i cried. i'm sorry daddy, i didn't mean it.
Do you understand how a father feels when his children has done something terribly wrong in his eyes? and do you understand how xing ku it is for a father to have to send his children overseas to study?

these 6 years we have been going home and coming back to singapore countless time. ocassionally dad and mom will come here to visit us. i can't remember how many times we say goodbye to each other with heavy hearts. sometimes when daddy is sending us to the bus station, i will be thinking, my parents are really very 可怜. they are really very miserable, they are old already yet we still cant spend much time with them. God, i really hope we can stay together as one big family again, like how we used to be. these 6 years have been so tiring for all of us, yet we still have to hang on there, cos it feels like there's no turning back.

i understand how my dad feels when he makes the cookies for us. he wants to tell us he still loves us no matter what we've done wrongly. i know he might still be reluctant to talk to me, but surely, he cares so much about each and everyone of us. i really am a selfish person. i know so much about what i want, but i know so little about what my father wants. But i'm a lucky gal. God, i'm really blessed. it's a wonderful blessing to have such a father and mother. My dad really loves his children so much. all his life, he has been working hard to make sure that his family will have a comfortable life. and after he retires, he is still trying to find ways to earn money to support his children.

i have been so ignorant of my dad's feelings. i really want to love my dad more, show him more care and love. sometimes i really wish to hug him and tell him that i love him, but i always can't bring myself into doing tt.

Dear God, i really want to love my daddy and mommy more. and i dun want to neglect them anymore. and i really pity my parents, they must have been feeling very miserable even since his children came to Singapore. i really thank You for giving me such a great father, and i am really proud of him. i should stop avoiding daddy even though he might not want to talk to me, cos i know that deep within his heart, he really wishes that i could talk to him like how i used to, when i was a kid.
daddy, let's have closure...

Prison Break

If i have time this coming holiday, i wanna watch Prison Break.

Tune in to the Spirit of Grace

It has been a long long week.
I love friday, cos friday means that i get to take a break for 2 days.
At least physically.
I also love friday, cos it means i can re-charge myself.

Have you ever thought of laying down your life for someone else in terms of dying?
i always think a lot. And i think about a lot of rubbish. When i was a kid, i actually thought that one day if a bad guy attack me and my mom, i will protect my mom and fight with that bad guy. i dun mind dying for her, but i mind losing her.

Do you often get to know yourself more after each day passes. I do.
I always learn a lot of stuff abt myself.
I learn that i am an emotional person.
A person who holds strongly to what i believe.
And many people call that stubborn.
I am willing to sacrifice for others, cos it really freaks me out if people sacrifice for me.

Back about laying down your life for someone.
That's what Jesus did, He loved us so much that He laid down His life by dying in our place so that we could live.
A lot of times, i bet laying down your life doesnt mean dying only,
It could mean living for others.
Sometims it means giving our lives by spending time in prayer for someone.
I believe that is the sweetest form of love, do you agree?

A lot of times, laying down our lives could mean giving of ourselves with love and understanding. Of course we dun expect people to do the same to us, sometimes it even hurts and pisses us off when the people that we care for are indifferent towards our love. But it's ok. It is really Okay. cos you live to please God, not to please yourself.

God, it's a trial isn't it? Many times i failed this trial badly. But God, I am standing up once again, Hooi Ching gonna learn to please You more.

Lord, thanks for telling me that laying down my life to someone else also implies that i ought to lay down by selfish desires in order to meet the needs of another. Hooi Ching just gonna keep trying and trying. God, would you give me the strength to do all these and let Hc not be affected by how others treat me? i really want to live such a life. And i really want to live such a love life that pleases You. Let my life be guided by Your love.

I wonder how many peeps are feeling the same way. perhaps it is just me. cos i am always the weird one. i really should let the Holy Spirit of God to counsel me and teach me how to live in this world. i really should tune in to the spirit of Grace instead of listening to the voice of the world. Hc has become so worldly minded. Are you ?

I need ro listen to the still small voice inside my heart.
Maybe God You're asking me to eliminate some activity that's taking up too much of my time.
Or maybe You are prompting me to get up a little earlier and spend more time in the Word and in Prayer.

I want a change.